The Sleep That Saved My Sanity

How I Finally Found Rest — and Myself

For years, I thought I was just tired.

But the truth was: I was unravelling.

Sleep wasn’t just elusive — it was the enemy. I’d lie in bed each night with a mind like a nightclub at peak hour: loud, erratic, flashing with every thought I tried to push away. The more I tried to sleep, the more my body clenched in resistance. It wasn’t just physical. It was emotional. Existential. A spiral of “what if I can’t sleep tonight?” that became “what if I can’t function tomorrow?” and eventually: “what if I’m broken?”

A Vicious Loop

I tried everything. Meditation. Melatonin. Herbal teas that tasted like regret. I ran myself into the ground thinking exhaustion would force it. I tried apps, breathing techniques, playlists, even acupuncture.

Eventually, I tried alcohol. And then drugs. Not recreational — medicinal, or so I told myself. Just something to take the edge off. Just something to knock me out.

It worked. Until it didn’t.

Because when the fog lifted, the anxiety remained. And worse — now I had shame layered on top.

The Hidden Cost of Sleep Deprivation

We don’t talk enough about how badly sleep deprivation messes with your life. It clouds your thinking. It amplifies anxiety. It wrecks your ability to focus, to connect, to care. For me, it became a kind of low-level madness. I made poor decisions. I snapped at people. I lost time, energy, clarity. And charisma? Forget it. I was barely functioning.

Which is ironic — because now, people often describe me as charismatic. Grounded. Present.

What they don’t see is that it started with sleep. With a lot of trial and error. With medication, discipline, therapy, and the slow work of rebuilding trust in myself and my rhythms.

What Finally Helped

No one thing saved me. It was a combination of:

• Multiple prescribed medications — the right ones, not the ones I self-prescribed in desperation.

• Impeccable sleep hygiene — no screens, no late caffeine, a cool dark room, a consistent routine.

• ASMR videos that made my nervous system go, “ahh.”

• Movement — daily, purposeful, and grounding.

• Boundaries — in my work, my relationships, my thoughts.

It didn’t happen overnight. (Pun very much intended.)

But eventually, I started to sleep. Not always perfectly. But reliably. And that changed everything.

The Charisma Connection

The Atlantic recently shared an article about charisma — how it’s not magic, but a combination of influence and affability. It’s about being grounded enough to lead, and warm enough to connect.

For me, that became possible only after I fixed my sleep. Only once I had enough internal stability could I focus outward — on others, on impact, on showing up as the version of me I actually liked.

Before that, I was performing connection. Now, I live it.

Rest as a Radical Act

There’s something quietly radical about choosing sleep in a culture that glorifies hustle. There’s something revolutionary about protecting your bedtime like it’s sacred. Because it is.

For me, sleep is the keystone habit. Without it, everything else wobbles. With it, I can choose how I show up — instead of being ruled by exhaustion, anxiety, or impulsivity.

It’s why I talk about sleep as part of my sobriety. As part of my self-trust. As part of how I show up for others.

And honestly? As part of how I built Get Out.

Because I couldn’t have started something like this when I was still spiralling. I needed clarity. Energy. Presence. And I got those things — not from some spiritual awakening or secret supplement — but from finally getting enough rest to think clearly again.

A Note to the Night Owls

If you’re in the thick of it, I see you.

If your nights feel endless, your mind won’t shut off, and the anxiety of not sleeping is keeping you awake — I promise, you’re not alone.

You’re not broken.

You just need support.

Maybe it’s CBT-I. Maybe it’s medication. Maybe it’s a better pillow or fewer screens or a new job that doesn’t email you at 11pm. Whatever it is, please believe me: it’s not indulgent to want sleep.

It’s essential.

And it’s the foundation for becoming the person you want to be.

So, if all you do tonight is rest your eyes and give yourself permission to try again tomorrow — that’s a start. It was for me.