Kindness Isn’t Just Polite — It’s How We Find Each Other

There are weeks I wonder if I’m doing too much. If trying to hold a full-time job, build a community platform, train six days a week, and stay halfway sane is a recipe for burnout, not impact. And yet — even when I get home late, even when my day job is overflowing — I still find myself opening the back end of Get Out, tinkering with something, responding to messages, or working on a story like this one.

It’s not just about being busy. It’s about not being able to let go. Because something about this still matters to me in a way that’s hard to explain — even when I’m tired. Especially when I’m tired.

I think the truth is: I want to live in a world where kindness still matters. Where connection isn’t a commodity. Where it’s possible to meet people outside of dating apps or curated cliques, and actually build something that lasts.

And I want to help make that world easier to find.

The Problem Isn’t Always Loneliness — It’s Disconnection

We’re in an odd moment right now. A growing number of people — especially LGBTQIA+ people — are feeling disconnected, friendless, or like their social life never quite caught up to the version they were promised.

But friendlessness doesn’t always look like loneliness. Sometimes, it just feels like a strange stillness. A lack of depth. A sense that the people in your life are lovely but not quite your people. That your social calendar is full, but your emotional needs are not.

In a recent piece in Psychology Today, researchers shared that the number of Americans with no close friends has quadrupled since the 1990s. And while some people do feel deep pain around this, others simply describe it as a kind of neutrality — a season they’re in, rather than a crisis.

What struck me most was a quote from one participant, a 72-year-old man, who said: “I’m my own best friend… I have a lot of hobbies… I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about [friendlessness].”

That feels familiar. I’ve had those seasons, too. Where I’ve thrown myself into work, training, writing — and told myself that was enough. That I didn’t need more people in my life, because I had things to do.

But even if friendlessness isn’t always a failure, I think it still deserves reflection. Because the world we live in — with its algorithms, fractured attention spans, and endless notifications — doesn’t exactly make connection easy.

Kindness Isn’t Weakness. It’s Strategy.

A study published earlier this year by SWPS University in Poland explored what happens when people go out of their way to be kind — in small, everyday ways. Not big gestures. Just warm tones of voice, sincere thanks, eye contact, and attentiveness to others in group settings.

They found that these acts of “niceness” not only made people feel better in the moment — they actually increased people’s willingness to cooperate and build stronger social ties.

In short: kindness makes connection more likely.

And yet, we’re often told the opposite. That kindness is soft. Optional. Or even a liability in environments that prize efficiency, confidence, or hustle.

I’ve felt that tension, too. In the workplace. In fitness culture. In the queer scene. Where you’re meant to be charismatic but not clingy, confident but not vulnerable. Where saying, “Hey, I really want deeper friendships,” feels like you’ve overshared — or worse, made people uncomfortable.

But what if it’s the people who can say those things — the ones who soften a room, not dominate it — who actually make community possible?

Why I’m Still Building Get Out

I think that’s why I’m still building Get Out, even when I don’t always have the time. Because I want there to be a place where it’s okay to want more. Where people can show up, share who they are, and get matched with something meaningful — not based on their desirability, but on their values.

We started with a simple goal: to help LGBTQIA+ people find their people — through shared interests, wellness, conversation, and community rituals. It wasn’t meant to replace anything. Just to fill in the gaps.

And now, we’ve quietly launched something new that I’m really proud of — our volunteer matching tool.

It’s not perfect. It’s still evolving. But it’s a real way to help people connect their skills and interests with LGBTQIA+ organisations in their own state. No endless forms. No generic job boards. Just a simple place to start — whether you want to give back, meet new people, or try something different.

And soon, we’ll be adding a sports and activity matching tool, too. Because we know that shared movement — walking, training, hiking, team sports — is one of the fastest ways to build connection. Sometimes you don’t need a dinner party. You just need a reason to show up.

What Comes Next

I’m not under the illusion that Get Out will fix everything. It won’t. It’s a small part of a much bigger puzzle.

But it’s something. It’s an attempt. And right now, that feels worth doing.

Because kindness isn’t just about manners. It’s how we start. It’s how we say: “You belong.” And in a world that keeps nudging us to move faster, look cooler, or need less — kindness slows us down long enough to see each other properly.

And maybe, just maybe, that’s how we find our people. Or let them find us.